


maybe, I'll get nothing from you but pain

by sasshee



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, Light Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:41:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25528387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sasshee/pseuds/sasshee
Summary: Sehun gave Junmyeon everything, but received pain in return, as always, without junmyeon knowing.
Relationships: Kim Junmyeon | Suho/Oh Sehun
Comments: 2
Kudos: 61





	maybe, I'll get nothing from you but pain

It was December, first snow to be exact when Sehun first saw Junmyeon at their family dinner. Never did he ever see someone as gorgeous as the man sitting by the window, watching every snowflake to fall while holding a wine glass as he carefully drinks on it, letting it run down through his throat. 

At first, assuming that he was a cousin, he rubbed off the thought of wanting him. It was utterly wrong to fall in love with a cousin. But when his grandpa called his attention and told him that he’ll be engaged with the man he is eyeing with, his heart, mind, and soul, all of him went feral. 

Junmyeon, as what the man introduced himself, offered him a small, forced smile as they shook their hands. Sehun’s hands were calloused, contrary to the latter’s soft and delicate hands. Sehun didn’t miss the forced and pained smile that the man gave him, but nevertheless, he still returned it with a big smile that leads to his eyes to form a crescent smile. 

It was pure love. It was what the others call _‘love at first sight.’_ It is love. He had always said that to Jongin, his cousin, (but it doesn’t feel like it since they can be called now as brothers) after he knew that he’ll be engaged with Junmyeon.

Jongin is glad that Sehun finally feels what love is. Jongin too was arranged in a marriage, but thankfully, he and Kyungsoo went well. They fell in love with each other before they married each other. They have the same interest and their personalities just fit with each other. To say that it was fate that brought them together is an understatement. 

Sehun that time felt happy and at the same time, envious of him. He has never fallen in love. He wondered how it feels to love and to be in love, and Jongin happily helped him by telling him their love story. Sehun sometimes cringes at it, but most of the time, Jongin catches him being in awe with his stories, and he can’t help it but laugh at him.

If Jongin was to comment on the hopeless romantic, never been fall in love with Sehun, he’ll probably laugh at first, then say that Sehun deserves all the love in this world, that he hopes Sehun would find, _well_ , be arranged with someone he really loves and loves him back. But he’ll never have the courage to say that to him, you know, they don’t talk sweet things to each other. 

* * *

He saw Junmyeon again on Christmas Eve. When he arrived, Sehun ran immediately to him, offering to help him carry the gifts that he brought. Junmyeon smiled at him, just like the smile before -- small, pained, and forced, before letting him carry three out of the five gifts at his hands. 

Thinking that Junmyeon might be bored if he would just wait for the time to pass by, Sehun approached him. He asked if he wanted to go out to the garden with him and Junmyeon just nodded, grabbed his coat first before he stood up and walked towards the garden. 

The silence was surely uncomfortable. No one dared to talk. Junmyeon sat on the bench in the garden, his hands are inside the pockets of his coat. Sehun was there too, sitting one foot apart from him. Their eyes were just wandering at the different kinds of flowers, and sometimes looking up at the night sky, full of twinkling stars. 

Sehun was the one who initiated the talk. He wanted to know his future husband. He wanted to know his first love more. He wanted to know everything. “Junmyeon.” 

His deep voice startled Junmyeon. It was like he was in the middle of deep sleep and suddenly someone woke him up. Junmyeon cleared his throat before he answered him. “Yes?” 

“Uhm, I don’t know how to carry out this conversation but I want to... know you more," he said while he busied himself playing with his fingers, afraid to hear what Junmyeon had to say. 

Junmyeon looked at Sehun and noticed that the man is kinda nervous. A part of him doesn’t want to invest more into this but he says to himself that he had to try. “Oh...what do you wanna know about me?” 

“Have you ever fallen in love?” That was the only thing that came out of his mouth. When he turned to Junmyeon to see his reaction, he saw a frown on his face, a pained expression. He panicked and at the same time, it sinked into him that the man he is in love with, the man that he was supposed to be engaged and marry with, is in love with another man, or woman, he told himself. 

“Oh, sorry. I think I shouldn’t ask that question. I’m really sorry Junmyeon.” 

“Don’t be sorry, Sehun," Junmyeon answered.

It was the first time Sehun had heard him say his name. He felt some butterflies in his stomach, but knowing the situation, he also felt hurt. He can’t force someone to be in love with him, he can’t force Junmyeon to do it. _And it fucking hurts._

Junmyeon looked at him, guilt is now evident on his face. “Now that we’re down to his conversation, I think I need to be honest with you," Junmyeon smiled at him. It wasn’t forced now unlike before, but it was still filled with pain... and guilt. 

“I don’t want to hurt you so I’ll tell you this before everything continues. I know we don’t have any way out of this. And I also don’t know if you want this too. I’m not judging you but it seems like you are also in love with someone else now. Well, I don’t think anyone wouldn’t fall for you. I mean, you got everything— _looks_ and you know, _riches_.” 

Sehun didn’t know what to say, or if he needed to react. His words are somewhat true, but it is false in some way. 

Junmyeon waited for him to react, but when he didn't, he just continued talking. “I love...someone else.”

 _It hurts._ But Sehun doesn't have the courage and the energy to talk.

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to offend you. As I’ve said earlier, there is no reason why not to fall for you. But I really love him. We met at my lowest point. I could’ve killed myself back then, but he...he helped me. He didn’t leave me even though he saw me at my worst. That moment, I knew that it was love. He is the love of my life,” he smiled upon saying it, but eventually stopped the moment he saw Sehun’s expression. It was in sorrow. 

“Sehun. I’m sorry I thought you wouldn’t mind it if I...”

Sehun immediately cut him. “No, Junmyeon, it’s okay. You can tell me more. You know, I was the one who wanted to know you more.” 

Junmyeon was insensitive, or maybe he was just dumb not to notice, or maybe he is doing this purposely since he continued talking about it, happily. Whatever it is, Sehun doesn’t care. What he feels right now is just nothing, but pain. He wants to be happy upon seeing the man beside him laugh.

_But he just can’t._

* * *

They went inside before the clock hit 12. Everyone was happy as they greeted each other with ‘ _Merry Christmas’._ After eating the foods prepared for the _media noche,_ they proceed to exchanging gifts and happily opening the gifts that they have received. 

Jongin, there, won’t miss the sad aura that was around Sehun. After their family members went to sleep, he approachesd Sehun, who is now pouring the purest wine into his glass at the minibar.

“Sehun, are you alright?” Jongin asked as he reaches for his wine glass. Sehun acknowledged his presence by pouring the wine into his glass. 

“I don’t know,” he replied lifelessly.

“This is about Junmyeon, isn’t it? 

“How did you know? Don’t tell me that you know about him loving someone el—?" he said as fast as he can.

“WHAT? He what?” he said, almost screaming, “Sehun, tell me everything. Spill it.” 

“I thought you knew and betrayed me by keeping it to me. But okay, here it is. When we went out earlier, he told me that he is in love, but with someone else. He looked so happy while he was talking about it," he pauses, looking up to stop his tears from falling. “It hurts, Jongin. It really does.” He drank the wine, its strong taste spreading like poison on his throat, down to his stomach. 

“It must really hurt, Sehun. This is the first time I saw you cry over things like this.”

If this is not about this, Jongin might’ve laughed at him, teasing him until the end of time. Jongin may be a jerk to Sehun sometimes, but he won’t laugh at his cousin, his best friend, his brother’s situation. This is way too far from what he wished for him. 

Sehun thought that Jongin would laugh at him, he expected it. But he saw nothing from Jongin’s expression but care and sympathy. 

“So what are you planning now? You guys don’t have any way out of this. You know that. I bet Junmyeon does too," Jongin said, pouring another glass for the two of them. 

“I don’t know. I’ll ask Junmyeon next time.” 

The two of them went silent. They just finished their fifth glass when Kyungsoo went near them, asking Jongin when he would go to bed.

When Jongin was about to say ‘ _later_ ,’ Sehun was quick enough to tell him to go with him now, as he too will take his rest already. He put the wine back to where it was placed earlier, then placed the wine glass on the kitchen counter, greeting the two again while he made his way to his room. 

Kyungsoo was too quick to know that there was something wrong, so he demanded a sort of explanation of what happened and Jongin told him immediately, _husband privilege,_ letting him promise that he won’t say a word about it to others. 

* * *

When morning came, Sehun woke up with a slight headache. He read Junmyeon’s note for him which read as, _“I need to go home now, I didn’t bother waking you up because you look so tired. And oh I went here earlier when I put this on your bedside table. Have a nice day :)”_

Sehun smiled at it. He can’t believe that he still felt happy even just by this letter even though Junmyeon hurt him yesterday. Is this what is to love? Still feeling happy even though you were hurt by the person you love, million times already? 

_Merry Christmas to him,_ he thinks. He just saw right now the gift that Junmyeon gave him last night. It was a bracelet. He wore it, stared at it lovingly, and he won’t be taking it away from his wrist anytime soon. It was the first gift that he received from him, and even though he knows that he just gave this because he needed to, still, he’s taking it. 

* * *

The next time they met each other was in the new years’ day. This time, it was him who visited Junmyeon at their house. And this time, it was the time that he met the man who Junmyeon loves.

They were happily talking over lunch, which made him sad...and jealous at the same time. But what is he gonna do? Go over him and punch him like a punching bag? What right does he have? They’re still not officially engaged. Junmyeon doesn’t like him back. He doesn’t have any rights to forbid him from meeting the one that he really loves. 

Junmyeon’s eyes went really wide the time he turned around to see who his ‘ _guest_ ’ was. He was so quick to stand and approach him. 

“Oh my gosh, Sehun let me explain," he said really fast. Sehun noticed how Junmyeon’s hands were shaking so he held it to stop it from shaking.

“No need," Sehun smiled at him, trying to make him calm. “I was just, you know, passing by," he looked behind Junmyeon, there he saw the man staring at them. 

Junmyeon followed Sehun’s eyes, then quickly said the man’s name. “Uhm, he’s Chanyeol, Uhm...”

“Chanyeol. He must be that someone right?” His tone was neutral, and Junmyeon can’t read Sehun’s mind so he just nodded shyly. 

His phone rang. _It was an angel sent from above,_ he thinks. He shall kiss Jongin later for saving him. _Well_. No, he can’t kiss him though. He’ll think about it later. For now, he’ll take that as an excuse for him to leave the house. 

“I can’t stay any longer. Jongin and I need to go somewhere. See you again, Junmyeon.” He didn’t contemplate with himself anymore as he kissed Junmyeon’s forehead, making the man surprised and speechless. 

“Nice meeting you, Chanyeol," he said as he turns around. By the time that he was already inside the car, he didn’t stop his tears from falling. He was in pain. His heart feels so heavy.

Again, he was hurt. 

* * *

It was February when their grandparents announced the engagement day. It will be the first time again that they will meet after what happened last January 1st.

Junmyeon tried to talk to him, but he wasn’t ready to face him at that time. He busied himself with different stuff just to avoid him. He knew that by doing that, he’ll just give Chanyeol the advantage, but he just shrugged that thought off and told himself to fuck it.

Maybe by doing it, Junmyeon would realize his worth.

He kept thinking about the positive sides of things because as Jongin and Kyungsoo advised him, he should never stress over this, _just let time do it_.

So this time, he hopes that he won’t be hurt again. He hopes that Junmyeon would finally change his mind. How he wished that Junmyeon would give him, would give the two of them, a chance. 

Their engagement is on February 15th. Valentines is on the 14th so Sehun want to take this opportunity to take Junmyeon out for a date.

Unfortunately, Junmyeon asked him first if he could have that day without their families knowing about it. So he let him. He’ll find a way. He’ll find a way not to be busted by their families. He can’t say no to him even though he knew who he will spend the day with.

For the nth time, Junmyeon hurt him again, but without him truly knowing about it. 

Maybe love is about sacrificing after all. 

* * *

He dressed up for today, Valentines’ day. He had nowhere to go. He had no one to be with. He was so used to this. He was. Before. Now, it feels empty. He doesn’t know why. 

“Looking so good today, my child... as always.” He heard his mother spoke as he went near him, fixing the non-existent wrinkles from his shirt. “Where would you take Junmyeon today? 

He was caught off-guard. He doesn’t know what to reply. If he’s gonna tell his mom about his problem or not. But in the end, he doesn’t want her to get involved here. “Just somewhere, mom," he replied, avoiding his mother’s eyes. 

“Be sure to take him somewhere really beautiful, okay? This is your first date before you get engaged tomorrow so make sure to make him happy. Good luck and enjoy, Sehun," his mom said before she kissed his cheeks, and he waved his goodbye. 

He did not forget to send the most beautiful flowers to Junmyeon. He has also sent a pretty necklace for him that he personally picked.

He may be not on his side today, he may be not the one in his heart right now, but still, he is holding on to that little chance of Junmyeon reciprocating his love for him.

* * *

He spent the night at the bar, drowning himself with the most expensive alcohol. That night too, he drunk-called Junmyeon, and confessed his love for him. 

Minutes later, he heard a familiar voice. He just heard it once but he was so sure that it wasn’t just alcohol. He was sure that it was Chanyeol. Junmyeon was with Chanyeol at the moment, on his bed if he is not wrong, if Junmyeon was not lying about him getting ready to sleep right now. 

He just laughed at it. _Pain_. Pain is just what he feels. When he continue doing this in the future, maybe he won’t be feeling anything anymore. 

* * *

He woke up with an excruciating headache. He doesn’t know how he ended up being on his bed. He sat on his bed, trying to find his phone. 

“Finally you’re up.” It was Jongin, handing him a coffee. He muttered _thanks_ before sipping on it. “Do you even remember what you did last night? You really fucked up.” 

“What did I even do? I was just enjoying my ‘ _me time’_ at the bar last night. I don’t even know how I ended up on my bed," he shrugged bitterly.

“Well, it was all thanks to your love and his little boyfriend,” Jongin said as he rolled his eyes. “They fetch you at the bar because you kept calling Junmyeon. And he called me, asking me to open the gates without anyone knowing. So I did. I was just curious about how they are together that late? But of course, I didn’t ask. But Kyungsoo was really ready to fight your man last night when he saw him with that Chanyeol guy, but yeah thanks to me, he didn’t do it," he chuckled. “And Junmyeon asks me not to tell anyone that you weren’t together and to take good care of you, does that mean...” 

“So they were really together at that time," he murmured to himself but Jongin catched it.

“You knew?” Jongin asked. 

“Kinda. I mean, I remember calling him once, and while I was...uhm...confessing I think, and I heard Chanyeol spoke. And before that, Junmyeon told me that he’s already on his bed.” 

“Oh well fuck it.” 

“Yeah, and regarding your question earlier, yes we weren’t together yesterday. He asked me if he could have the day, and I said okay. He told me not to tell anyone, so I did. Maybe he is just covering it up and you know, so yeah, it doesn’t mean anything.” He took a sip again. “Am I still normal, Jongin? I mean you know, this and that. Is this what love is all about? 

Jongin doesn’t know what to tell him. He and Kyungsoo had it smoothly. He took a deep breath first before answering. “Sorry Sehun, but I don’t really know what to answer. How I wish I could give you some of my luck concerning love."

“It’s okay... I guess. Thank you though.” He sighed.

Jongin patted his shoulders before he headed out of the room. Today is their engagement day. He laid back on his bed, closed his eyes, and wished for the nth time that Junmyeon would love him back.

* * *

It was already three in the afternoon when he woke up again. He then decided to prepare already. He took a long shower and then dressed up with his everyday fashion. The stylist would just fix it later, he told himself as he dried and fixed his hair a little bit.

Junmyeon was already there, getting ready for tonight's event. He sure looked stunning as always, but today, he went _extra stunning._ His suit looked so good on him, his hair styled up, showing his pretty forehead. His eyes are glittering with his makeup. He stood there, looking at him in awe. _He looked so gorgeous and it makes him fall in love with him harder._

Junmyeon saw him and waved at him. He can't help it but smile at him. The stylist called him too so he went near them. God, he realized even more how Junmyeon looked so great when he was right in front of him. He always leaves him speechless.

"Sehun, are you okay? Sit here already," the stylist said. It was just then when he realized that he was staring for so long already. "Too stunned by the husband-to-be, huh?" He heard her chuckled as she teased him. He saw how Junmyeon giggled when he heard that. _Oh God_ , he is so pretty.

He sat in front of the mirror. He was styled according to his liking. She put an eye makeup on him too which made his eyes more alive. He's liking his look. He just matches with Junmyeon. It's perfect... _almost_. It's just that...Junmyeon needs to fall in love with him too for it to be called perfectly perfect.

By six o'clock, the guest started to arrive. While waiting, he and Junmyeon stayed in his room, drinking some wine to calm them down.

It was now Junmyeon who started the conversation. "Are you, you know, sure of this?"

Of course, what does he expect? Of course, it is still Junmyeon trying to find a way out of this.

He didn't answer the question, instead, he let Junmyeon answer his own question. "You?" 

"Sehun, you know..." Junmyeon looked down, trying to search for the right words. "I already told you about it. I'm sorry but I-I still love him."

Sehun drank first before speaking up, mustering some courage from it. "Can't you really give me a chance? Remember last night? All that I've said was true. I love you. I'm in love with you. Can't you really give us a chance?" Sehun can feel that tears are now flowing down his eyes. But what now? He won't stop here. He needed to let this out. "You know what..." he was cut off by Jongin who just entered the room to call the two of them because the event would start in less than a minute.

"Oh, wrong timing. But you guys need to be downstairs already," he said apologetically, then looked at Sehun, who is now wiping his tears. When Sehun met his eyes, Jongin made sure to give him a comforting smile before he closed the doors again.

Sehun stood up to follow Jongin downstairs already but Junmyeon stopped him. "Sehun, I'm really sorry," Junmyeon said, holding Sehun's arm. "Okay, I'll try. I...I'll give us a chance.

"Don't do it if you just pity me or something. We don't have any way out of this bullshit so we ride or die. No other choices," his voice is now cold, it was a voice that he only uses when he is really done with something. And now, he is using it again. He is done with this. 

_Fuck the idea of love and being in love._

* * *

Junmyeon remained silent. They went out together, his arms linked with Sehun's. When their names were called, they walked down through the carpet. The engagement party was grand. Of course, Sehun was the last grandchild of the Oh’s who is getting married. Junmyeon was an heir of the Kim's. What do they expect?

As they walked, Junmyeon knew that their eyes were pierced on the same person. Chanyeol attended the engagement. He was invited by his parents as they knew him as Junmyeon's _friend_. 

It was hard for the two of them, but they needed to break up and they agreed to remain as friends. It wasn't his decision nor Sehun's. And as it was a family tradition, they can't do anything about it. Well, they don't know if they try. But all they know was that it's really better off this way.

They were formally introduced in front of the guest, the cameras, and the world. It is now official. There's no turning back or else, they'll face something harder, something more painful than being arranged with someone who you don't love. _Well, that's only Junmyeon's case though._

That night was the night where they finally had their first kiss. It was the audience's demand so they have to give it.

It hurts to kiss someone in front of the person you love, but it is unfair to the person that loves you to be kissed while you are thinking about another person.

Junmyeon knew it, but still, when he closed his eyes, he pretended that it was Chanyeol who he was kissing, not Sehun.

After the party, Sehun went in first, then he followed shortly as he bid his goodbye to Chanyeol first.

They, of course, didn't sleep on the same bed. They have to though—as per their parents’ wish—for them to be more comfortable with each other. But no, not now. Sehun ended up being on the floor with his makeshift beddings. Junmyeon ended up on Sehun's bed. 

At the end of the day, no matter how angry Sehun is, his love for Junmyeon is still above all. 

* * *

He woke up earlier than usual. He isn't used to sleeping on some makeshift bed. His back hurts so much. He sat while he turned the lamp on the table. There he saw Junmyeon's face, glowing due to the light. He looks like an angel. 

He realized that he can't just fall out of love with him and no matter how many times he'll hurt him, he will still choose to love Junmyeon.

He went out shortly after that. He needs air. He needs to think.

Junmyeon told him that day that he would just stay in the guest room. But he said no because first of all, the people inside the house, except for the married couple, will notice that they are not on good terms. It's a no-no. And Sehun swore that he isn't making some excuses just for the two of them to sleep on the same bed.

Junmyeon hesitantly considered the offer.

Nothing really happened. They just spent all day pretending to be okay. And will continue doing this until... _maybe until._..until Junmyeon wholeheartedly gives them a chance.

* * *

Nighttime came and they came up with an agreement. They shared the bed, Junmyeon on the left, and Sehun on the right with a comfortable distance. 

Junmyeon can't sleep, still bothered about what happened last night. He wanted to talk to Sehun but he doesn't know how to. He assumed that Sehun was still angry with him but he needed to do this, even just for his sanity.

He faced Sehun's direction, breathing deeply before he muttered his name softly. "Sehun" 

When Sehun didn't flinch, he placed his hands to his arm. "Sehun, I know you are still awake. Can we talk?"

"Talk about what?"

"I'm giving us a chance. I'll let you...uhm...do things...you know, going out or something."

"Junmyeon." Sehun faced him. "You don't need to do this if you don't want it." 

"I want to try it. I mean, we...I can't do anything about this. So I thought of giving it a chance. Maybe you'll be able to make me fall for you. Maybe I'll fall in love with you. Those chances, I wanna gamble with it. Chanyeol and I already broke up. If that's what you wanna hear. He understands about this, and he...he let me go. He said it is what love was all about. Letting go can sometimes be considered as love."

"It pains you. You and him breaking it up. I can see it in your eyes. And you know, as much as I want to take your offer, I can’t...I won’t do it. I already told you about my feelings for you. But, isn't it unfair if, you know, you tell me that you'll do it...uhm I mean, it feels like you are just using me for you to at least forget him. I'm in love with you, you can't doubt me about it. At the end of the day, I'll still love you no matter how much you...hurt me. But Junmyeon. I want you to heal first before we give us a chance. I don't want you to go out with me with you thinking that I am him or something." Junmyeon was still looking at Sehun, his eyes become watery just like his. "And if ever after our wedding day you still love him, I'll understand you. I promise that I won't do anything that would hurt you. I will wait till the day that you finally move on, till the day that you’ll love me back. I will."

"I don't deserve you, Sehun." Tears run down to his cheeks, and Sehun wipes it with his fingers, caressing Junmyeon’s delicate skin with his thumb. He didn’t react with the act, and he just continued what he was about to say. "You love me so much that even if it hurts you so much, you are still willing to give me the moon and stars. Why? Why are you like this? We first met during the first snow, when your grandfather asked me to come here. That was the first time we met. I even gave you a cold shoulder at that time. It was only...2 months since we've met...so how come? What did you see in me that you are more than willing to take all the pain that I have given you...and will probably still give you in the future?"

"To be honest, you are the first one who made me feel this way. You...you are my first love. Jongin can testify for it. When I first saw you, I don't know...it feels like there were butterflies in my stomach. I even thought you were my cousin at that time. But when grandpa said that you and I will be engaged. God, you have no idea how much I wanna scream that moment. You..you look so perfect. But it wasn't the reason why I fell in love with you. But also, I don't know the reason for it. I mean I guess loving someone doesn't require reasons. You just love someone because you want to love them. You love them still even though...they won't reciprocate the feelings. I think that's how it works."

"For someone who just fell in love for the first time, you have so many words to say about love," he chuckled. "But did you lie? No." 

Silence fell between them. 

"Sehun," he said and he heard the man hummed as a response. "Thank you. I'll do my best to heal myself first. I don't want to burden you with this. Thank you, really, for everything that you've said. I hope I won't hurt you again...in the future."

"I'll wait for you, Junmyeon. I-I love you." When Junmyeon didn't say a word, Sehun panics. "Oh, sorry I think that was..."

He was cut off by Junmyeon. "No, Sehun, it's okay. I just don't know what to say." He looked at Sehun, then he smiled sweetly at him. "Let's sleep now. Good night, Sehun."

"Good night, Junmyeon."

* * *

No matter how much effort Junmyeon exerts on showing that he is finally healing, and is already open to the possibility of him being with Sehun, he can’t still hide the fact that he isn’t happy with his current situation. Junmyeon is trying hard. He tried initiating things with Sehun, going out, doing things together. He tried real hard. But he seems not to be successful.

Junmyeon feels sorry for Sehun. The man gave him pure love and he never fails to make him feel loved. Sure he did those things, but Junmyeon is still wanting, craving for the love and happiness that he had when he was with the man that he loves.

* * *

It is already just one month before their wedding. Nothing that significant really happened. There was one time, he heard Junmyeon crying in the bathroom. Junmyeon still loves Chanyeol. That’s what he thought upon overhearing him.

Despite all of that, Sehun still loves him. He doesn’t want to see Junmyeon being always sad. He doesn’t want him to show faux happiness.

Sehun now came up for a decision. It was hard for him. But he thought of letting Junmyeon go. No one could be happy in this marriage if one of them doesn’t feel the same way as the other feels. For the past months, he saw how Junmyeon was when he was with him. He doesn’t want him to be suffocated with him.

He already talked with Jongin about this, and he supported him, saying ‘ _if you think and feel like this is the right way to do things, then go. I’ll support you as always and you know, I sincerely pray that you’ll meet someone worthy of your love. I mean I didn’t wanna say that Junmyeon ain’t worthy of it. But you, Sehun, deserve someone who would reciprocate your feelings._ ’

He wasn’t sure of his choice, but still, knowing that Jongin and Kyungsoo were on his side, he felt that he wasn’t alone with this decision. 

Now, he just needed to talk it out with his grandpa, his parents, and with Junmyeon’s parents. He still didn’t discuss this with Junmyeon though. He wanted to tell him about this when everything is already settled.

After all, love is about sacrifice and this sacrifice is about him, letting his first love, letting Junmyeon go for him to return to his real love. 

* * *

He sets the date. One Friday night, he invited all the persons involved in a fancy restaurant. Jongin and Kyungsoo were there too to show their support for him. He was so nervous, his body was almost shaking because he was too anxious about what these people would say. 

He took a deep breath before he stood up to greet them and bowed after. They ate first before he started to say his agenda for tonight. 

“Good evening to everyone. Thank you for coming. I am here to tell... to ask you for something.” 

“Why do you need to gather us here, son? This must be something important and this must be something about Junmyeon since he isn’t here right now," his father asked him. 

“What does my future son-in-law need?” Junmyeon’s mother asked him too.

Sehun looked at Jongin first, and they smiled at him before he proceeded to talk. 

“I want to..." he paused to breathe before he continues, "cancel the wedding."

It created chaos in the room, multiple questions being thrown at him. 

“Shut up, everyone,” Grandpa Oh shouted, making everyone shut their mouths. “Sehun, why do you want it to be canceled? Do you like someone else? Is it you or is it Junmyeon?” 

He wanted to tell them the truth. But protecting Junmyeon is his number one priority. 

“I don’t know if this is an acceptable reason, but as you all know, we are still young, I want us to enjoy things first, and I want the both of us to be happy. And if fate allows us, later, when everything feels alright, if we are still finding love, maybe we’ll want to have each other again. When that time comes, maybe we will be happier than we are now.” 

“You didn’t answer the question Sehun. Who’s at fault?” his grandpa insisted on the question, and it left him with no choice but to throw himself under the bus.

“It’s...it’s me. Junmyeon has nothing to do with this,” he said then he turned to Junmyeon’s parents’ side. “I am so sorry Mr. and Mrs. Kim," he bowed at them. 

“What did Junmyeon say about this?” Mr. Kim asked him, but the tone was not angry or something like that, there was a hint of knowing in his tone. 

“We still haven’t talked about this. But I know that he’ll be glad if you let us go our separate ways. I’m sure of it.

“I still don’t agree with this decision of yours, Sehun,” his father suddenly says. “This is embarrassing not only for the two of you but also for the family. Especially for Kim’s.”

“No, it's okay, Mr. Oh," Mr. Kim chides. "I can see that Sehun is just being sincere and I feel that he cares for my son too. And knowing that he is confident that Junmyeon will not go against this, I know that he is doing this for their happiness. Chasing your happiness is not a bad thing, you know," Mr. Kim said. 

“So you agree on canceling the wedding?” 

“If they truly want it, then go on.” Mr. Kim said then he turned to Sehun. “Sehun, talk to Junmyeon first, okay?” 

He smiled at him. “Yes, Mr. Kim, I will.” 

“So what are your plans after this? I’m sure you know the consequences of this, Sehun.” It was Grandpa Oh who spoke. 

His mom panicked. Of course, it’s not like Sehun would just lose a toy or a car. Sehun would lose everything. When she was about to speak, Sehun already answered his grandpa. “I’ll be okay. I guess. Money isn’t everything in life.” 

“You are okay that you wouldn’t be an heir anymore? 

“Yes,” he replied, no signs of contemplation evident in his voice.

Jongin wanted to protest, but Kyungsoo held him back. There is no point in arguing with it anyway. Sehun was being dumb, throwing everything away he has just for Junmyeon. 

“Okay then. Do whatever you want to do with your life.” 

The Kim’s looked at him. It was a pity that he saw in their eyes. He just smiled at them after he met their eyes and then he bowed at them. 

When it was only the three of them inside the room, Jongin started lecturing him. Sehun didn’t mention this ‘ _consequences_ ’ to him when he first consulted it with the couple. Jongin said _love is stupid and so is Sehun_ , contrary to what he had said to the latter before.

* * *

Junmyeon wad still awake, waiting for Sehun. Sehun hadn't gone home this late before, well, it was what he had observed.

“Where did you go tonight?” heasked because he was curious. 

Sehun sat on his bed and looked directly at Junmyeon’s eyes. “Junmyeon, I need to tell you something.” 

“About what?" Junmyeon asked curiously.

“Remember when you said letting go is an act of love?” 

Junmyeon nodded. “Uhm...yes I think I remember. Why? What is this all about?” 

“Junmyeon, you know that I love you, right? And I will always be in love with you.” Sehun took a deep breath. He really can’t say this to Junmyeon. A part of him still wanted to keep him. He just loves him so much. “Junmyeon, I-I’m now finally letting you go. I am setting you free. You can go back now to him. Where your heart really belongs," he said it as fast as he could.

“Sehun, what are you talking about?” Junmyeon asked.

“I already talked about it to them. You don’t have to worry about it anymore. And if you worry about the consequences of my action don’t worry I can handle it on my own.” 

“You did that all because of me?" Junmyeon asked and Sehun nodded. You are so selfless that you don’t even think of yourself now. Do you know that? Are you crazy? Do you think I deserve it? Your love and all the good deeds that you’ve done for me?

“Yes.” 

Junmyeon shook his head. “Wrong answer. No, Sehun. I don’t deserve it," he said. “And by letting me go, where do you expect me to go? Huh? Chanyeol already loves someone else. That’s what he said to me the last time we talked. And now, they flew out of the country to start their own family. Where do you want me to go, Oh Sehun?”

Sehun just listened to him. He can’t believe that he is hearing this from Junmyeon. “And where my heart belongs you say, well, I...uhm...I think I know where...” he reaches for Sehun’s hand. “You know when I said I’ll try? Sehun, I tried. And you too. You, I think you did it well. Would you change your mind now? Make me fall in love with you more." 

“Am I not hearing things, right?” he asked, still shocked at the sudden...confession? He doesn't know if it was one but he's taking it.

He smiled, gently squeezing Sehun's hands. “No. You’re not.”

He just stared at him, then he noticed something on Junmyeon's neck. “Are you wearing the necklace that I’ve given you last valentines?”

“Did you just notice it now? I have been wearing this for weeks already. I wore this when I finally decided that I’m already ready to give you a chance.” 

“Oh, really?" Sehun exclaimed. "So we’re going to push on the wedding?”

“Uhm, yes? If you still want.” Sehun immediately nodded. “Now go and apologize to them and tell them that we are still going to do it.” 

Sehun wasted no time and rushed out the room. He quickly went to his grandpa’s room. He knocked twice, then when he heard his grandpa's permission, he opened the doors. 

“Grandpa, I’m sorry for disturbing you but I want to take back all the words that I’ve said earlier. Junmyeon and I will still marry each other.” 

“What?” Grandpa Oh stopped scribbling on the word search book and finally looked at him.

“I’m really, really sorry for causing the drama earlier. I should’ve talked with Junmyeon about it first. It was my fault," he said. Then a moment of silence followed.

“So? What now?"

“Nothing...oh I mean, I just want to let you know. Uhm goodnight grandpa.” 

He was about to turn around when he heard his grandpa talk.

“Are you expecting me to give back your heir position? 

He smiles. It wasn't a really big deal but his mom was disappointed on him so he'll take this chance to get that back. “If you want, I’ll gladly accept it back.” 

“One condition, Oh Sehun. You are getting it back on the day of your wedding.” 

He went near him and he hugged him. “Okay, thank you, grandpa.” 

“Feeling happy tonight, huh? Seems like you guys have talked about it already.” 

“Yes. I’m so happy.” He stood up straight. “Now I’m leaving you here. Thank you.” He bowed to him and happily walked out of the room. 

He already called Junmyeon’s parents, and thankfully, they accepted him again. His mother nearly cried up when he told her that he had changed his mind and he just received a nod from his father. Jongin dramatically embraced him when he told the couple that Junmyeon finally gave him a chance, causing Kyungsoo to laugh out loud because of his husband's childishness. 

This must be one of the most dramatic, most unforgettable, and the happiest days of his life.

* * *

It was Junmyeon who asked Sehun to go for a date with him, an amusement park date, to be exact. 

"Why the amusement park though?" he asked, eyes still focusing on the road.

"Because I want us to have fun. And besides, it’s been a while since I went to one and played. Have you ever tried the rollercoaster?" Junmyeon said excitedly.

"No. I kinda have acrophobia."

"Oh...Now conquer your fears, Oh Sehun. You are riding a rollercoaster with me today."

"No."

"Yes." He looked at Sehun. He looked so scared so he laughed at him.

Sehun stopped the car when he saw the red light, then took the opportunity to look at Junmyeon.

"Why are you laughing?"

"Can you please do it for me?"

He can't believe that he's seeing Junmyeon doing puppy eyes on him. "Oh please, don't act cute."

"But I’m naturally cute," he giggled. "Will you do it for me?"

He's too weak for this. And after all, this is the first time that they're going out for a date. _like a real date_. "Okay fine. And if I die up there then what are you going to do?"

"You have me don't worry."

* * *

There were a lot of people when they arrived there. Well, today's a weekend so it's not surprising that many people are here.

"So what are we doing first?"

"You wanna go to the rollercoaster now?"

"Oh come on. Do you want me to die early? Let's do that later. I need to enjoy my last moments,” he chortled. 

"You're being dramatic. You won't die, you know. I promise you'll enjoy that ride," he raised his hands, doing a ' _promise_ ' gesture. "In the meantime, uhm..." he looked around, "ah I know. Get me a plushie from that claw machine."

They went to the claw machine. It was almost 30 minutes already but Sehun still can't get one plushie.

"Okay, now Sehun, stop it already. Let’s go to another place."

"No. Wait. I'm gonna get it." He sounded so determined and Junmyeon was getting worried about it. 

"Sehun. You're getting all red already. You are getting angry already."

"Well because fuck this machine." After he said that, he pushed the button, making the claw move down, move up again, move to the side, then _finally_ drop the plushie into the hole.

"Oh my gosh, you did it," he exclaims, hugging Sehun.

Sehun hugs him back. "Right, right!" 

When they realized that they were doing it for so long already, well, that was only 3 minutes but still, it was too long already, they stopped. It wasn't uncomfortable tho nor awkward. It was just as it was.

"Here's your plushie."

"Thank you again," Junmyeon smiled at him. "I'll keep this because you worked hard just to get this. And by that I mean you getting angry on some machine and turning tomato red," he laughed as he linked his arms to Sehun's.

Junmyeon dragged him here and there, trying a lot of rides and Sehun just let him, still saying ' _later_ ' to the rollercoaster ride.

After an hour and a half of having fun, they felt hungry so they went to the nearest fast-food chain near the park and ate there. They enjoyed eating burgers and fries.

When they were finished, they went back to the park and rested first under the shade of a tree before finally riding the rollercoaster.

"You ready?"

"Of course... _not_."

"Why do you fear it so much...I mean the heights?"

"I don't know. But it isn’t like fear as in fear. I’m just you know, afraid of it? I didn't have any childhood trauma about it though so I don't really know why."

"Sehun wait." He took his phone out of his pocket. "Stay put." He clicked it, capturing Sehun's pretty face.

"Oh," he gasped, surprised by the man’s action.

"Smile Sehun." He did what he said. He smiled at the camera.

"The background looks great, and you look... pretty here." Sehun can see that Junmyeon is happy. And he too feels giddy with Junmyeon’s compliment.

"You too," he replied, pulling his phone out from his pocket.

"Huh?"

"Lemme take a picture of you too. You look so gorgeous there." Sehun clicked on his phone multiple times, capturing every angle of Junmyeon. "Now, before we go, let's take a picture together."

* * *

That was the slowest time in Sehun's life. Junmyeon excitedly dragged him here after they took many pictures. He purchased the tickets while Sehun was still standing away from the ticket booth, still mustering some courage to ride it. Junmyeon happily waved the two tickets on his hand then he held his hand as they rode the roller coaster.

Junmyeon never lets go of his hand, telling him words of encouragement and told him that he'll certainly survive this.

As they reached the top, Sehun just looked at Junmyeon, distracting himself from the height. Junmyeon also looked at him, laughing as he told him not to stare at him and just scream so that he won't be afraid.

Sehun feels so exhausted. He feels like he's going to throw up. Junmyeon handed him medicines that he prepared just in case this happened. There, Sehun realized that the ride wasn't an _impromptu_ plan _._

After that tiring but enjoyable date, Sehun brought Junmyeon into his favorite restaurant. They've ordered and ate a lot that when they reached home, they directly went to their bedroom, feeling so sleepy. They just cuddled the whole night. Sehun kissed Junmyeon's forehead and whispered a soft goodnight. 

To say that he is happy would be an understatement.

* * *

Their wedding day is fast approaching. They weren't that stressed since other people were preparing for the big day. After _that_ day, everything started to go well. The two of them always spend time together, always with each other.

Junmyeon doesn't know how exactly this happened. After his last conversation with Chanyeol, he didn't contact him again. He still wonders how he's doing, of course, he still has a place in his heart. There then he decided that he shouldn't be stuck with his feelings for him. He decided to finally open his heart and love again.

About Sehun, he is a really nice man. He eventually made him happy. He felt loved by Sehun. And if someone asks him if he already fell in love with Sehun, his answer is " _yes, but not 100%_."

Sehun knew about it, and as the selfless, ever-loving man that he is, he said, " _It's okay, small progress is still a progress" then hugs him tightly."_

Junmyeon, as the time passed by, became used to Sehun's clinginess. He cuddled with him, hugged him every time he felt like doing it, and Junmyeon was not complaining. In fact, he admits that he enjoys every bit of it.

The wedding will be held at the white beach in the western part of the country. They all went to the place, one week before the wedding.

Sehun and Junmyeon went around the place during their first day there. They also tried the delicacies of the place.

They were back before the sunset. As the place they are staying in is just by the beach, they decided to watch the sunset together, for the first time.

It was beautiful. The sunset is making different hues of red and orange, and the beach is turning orange too. It was so beautiful. But not as gorgeous as the man that is beside him. The man that he'll be marrying. The man that he loves. It was Junmyeon. It was him whom his eyes are set upon. Sehun smiled brightly. The thought of Junmyeon made him giddy. He really hopes that this will continue. That Junmyeon will completely fall in love with him. That they'll be happy with each other always.

That night, the married couple invited the two of them for a barbeque party. Sehun and Jongin set the fire up for the bonfire while Junmyeon helped Kyungsoo prepare the barbeque. The two boys seemed to be busy playing so Kyungsoo took that moment to talk to Junmyeon.

"Junmyeon."

Junmyeon doesn't remember when the only time that Kyungsoo talked to him was. They always see each other at the mansion but they rarely talk. "Yes?" he replies nervously. Kyungsoo kinda intimidates him, well maybe it's just because they don't talk to each other that much.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, ask away."

"Do you really love Sehun? Uhm I don't mean it to be offending it's just that—"

"If I'll be honest with you, uhm, Sehun is so nice to be with, you know, I feel happy when I'm with him and I-I think I do love him." He looks at the direction where Sehun was. "It's just that I still don’t love him completely, as you know, 100% sure. I'm still healing, I guess, but he already holds a special place in my heart. Why do you ask?"

"I became a good friend of Sehun already. You know, that kid is a hopeless romantic, never been in love. When Jongin and I became lovers, well, we are from an arrangement too, but slowly and eventually, we fell in love with each other, I always hear Sehun ask Jongin ' _how does it feel to be in love'_ and all other love-related questions. Sehun's heart is so pure. From what I observed, he is the type of person who will do everything for their loved one, even though in the end he'll end up being broken. I, we just want the best kind of love for him. Well, though his first one already hurt him...but still..."

"Who was his first?"

Kyungsoo gave him a _you're serious about that look_ and it made him confused. Junmyeon let out a _just realized now_ oh.

"You, dumbass," Kyungsoo chuckled. Junmyeon didn't take it offensive so he just laughed at it too.

"Oh sorry. I think he mentioned it before but I forgot about it. Ahh, seriously I don't have any brain cells left," he chuckles. "And about hurting him, I'm sorry as well. I won't promise because I'm afraid that one day, I'll end up breaking it but hope I won't make him feel that way anymore."

"As you should," Kyungsoo said it sassily. "Your wedding is already on Sunday, and you have five days left, to be sure, to make up your mind."

"He said he'll understand me even if I can't still give my heart to him 100%."

"But Junmyeon, you need to understand that he just said he'll understand. But it doesn't mean that he won't be out there drinking alcohol while crying his heart out because you hurt him again," he looks at Junmyeon directly in his eyes. "He may be dumb and stupid in regards to love, but still don't make him a real one."

Junmyeon just smiled. He doesn't know what to say.

"Can I ask you one more question?"

"What is it?"

"About your first one. That Chanyeol guy."

"Oh, you knew about him?"

"Yeah of course. Jongin tells me everything that happens with him and his best friend, his cousin, or whatsoever that he labels Sehun," he chuckles. Those two are inseparable. "So yeah, uhm, you still love him or something?"

"I don't know...He flew out of the country to start a family..." he looked down to avoid Kyungsoo’s gaze. "Chanyeol will forever have a special place in my heart. I don't know if I still love him or it is only the memories that I am holding onto. But now, it is Sehun who is important in my life and not...not him anymore."

Kyungsoo wanted to say more but he heard Jongin complaining about how hungry he is. He just smiled at Junmyeon who is now arranging the cooked barbeque on the plate.

They spent the night drinking beers and talking about life, mostly Jongin bragging about their love story and Kyungsoo saying advice. Junmyeon leaned on Sehun's shoulder while listening to the married couple and he placed his hand on his waist.

It was already midnight when Jongin and Kyungsoo decided to head inside the house. So it was the two of them who cleaned the area. When they finished doing what they needed to do, they rested a little bit. No one talked. It was only the waves and the chirping of birds that can be heard at the moment.

Sehun stood up, grabbing Junmyeon's hand to help him stand. "Junmyeon, let's go inside now. It's getting colder." 

Junmyeon just looked at Sehun. His head is kinda acting up but he can still see how pretty Sehun is. Like is he really looking up to the man who loves him so much? How come that he chose him still despite him continuously hurting him? Does he really deserve him?

"Sehun," he said groggily and Sehun just hummed.

"What did I do to deserve you?" Junmyeon made a sad face. "I really think that I don't deserve you so why? How?"

Sehun sat beside him. "You are a gift from the heavens above, Junmyeon."

"You never fail to say something sweet. You always make me feel love. I don't deserve it."

"No Junmyeon. You deserve everything in this world." He fixed Junmyeon’s bangs, then traced his face. "I love you, Junmyeon. So much."

"Sehun I—I..."

"It's okay if you can't still say it to me. Remember, I said I will wait."

Sehun pulled him into a hug. 

"Sehun," he paused, thinking of how he would put what he wanted into words. "Can you... kiss me?"

"You really want me to kiss you? Not just because you’re tipsy?"

"Yeah."

Sehun didn't waste any time. He cupped Junmyeon's face, then he kissed Junmyeon slowly and passionately. The kiss feels surreal. It feels like floating on a cloud nine. It wasn't the first, but it is the first time that Junmyeon meant it like, for real. It is the first time that he had felt Junmyeon's love with it. It wasn't like their kiss wherein it felt forced, bitter. Right at this moment, it is natural, sweet.

* * *

They were already ready. Now they were just waiting for them to call them to go out already. Today's the day. They are really getting married. Today's the day wherein Sehun can finally and officially say that Junmyeon is his.

The venue was breath-taking. The crystal blue water, the clear blue sky. The white and blue aesthetics of the place made it so perfect.

Sehun cried when Junmyeon walked down the aisle. Jongin, his best man, laughed at him as revenge on him for doing the same during his and Kyungsoo's wedding.

And there, they exchanged their wedding bands, their ' _I do's_ ' and most importantly, the wedding kiss.

That was the happiest moment of Sehun's life. Being married to the one he loves. Being married to the person who'll eventually love him completely. He is willing to wait. All for Junmyeon.

At the reception, Junmyeon saw a much-unexpected guest. It was Chanyeol. He wondered who invited him. He didn't ask Sehun to invite the man to their wedding because he knew that it would hurt Sehun.

He was sure that he saw him. He excused himself from his friends and followed Chanyeol. He saw the man standing by the beach.

"Chanyeol?"

"Junmyeon," Chanyeol smiled at him. "Congratulations on your wedding."

"How? I thought you were out of the country?" he asks, curiosity evident in his tone.

"Well, your husband invited me, and that...that was a lie."

"What?" 

Chanyeol knew that expression. He knew when Junmyeon is mad or disappointed. So he tried to reply as carefully as he could. "I want you to forget me. You are bound to marry Sehun, not me."

"You know how much I love you, Chanyeol. Sehun gave me the change to go back to you but he was late," he groans.

"And if he wasn't late, would you still choose me?"

Junmyeon fell silent. 

"See. You love him already, Junmyeon. Just..forget about me... Focus on him...your husband," he stutters. It was painful for him, of course, but this is what is destined to happen. This is where their story ends.

"I felt betrayed, Chanyeol."

"I'm sorry. It was all for you."

* * *

"Jongin, did you see Chanyeol?"

"He's here?!" He nearly shouted, earning looks from the guests.

"Yeah, I invited him."

"A fuckin masochist"

"What?!"

"I said why would you bring him here?"

"Because he was someone important to Junmyeon and he deserves to attend his wedding, and also, he was once Junmyeon's source of everything."

"I have no words for you, Sehun." Jongin looks at him in disbelief. "Kyungsoo was really right when he said you are both dumb and stupid when it comes to this."

"Why?"

"Who sane man would bring an ex to their fucking wedding?" he exclaimef. "Now where is Junmyeon?"

"His friends told me that he went—oh fuck"

"Right, dumbass"

"Come with me."

They went around the venue but they didn't see a trace of Junmyeon. Sehun went out to find him by the beach and Jongin was the one who was inside the venue.

There he saw Junmyeon and Chanyeol...talking...no it was more like arguing since Junmyeon looks angry and serious. He didn't go near them. He tried to eavesdrop but he can't clearly hear them. He swears he did rub and closed his eyes first before it finally made some sense to him. He saw how Junmyeon pulled Chanyeol into a hug, burying his face into his chest when the taller prompted to walk away. _Wow. That fucking hurts._ He made a mental note to consult everything first to Jongin and Kyungsoo before he makes dumb and stupid things again. He just watched them. He can't move a single muscle in his body. 

"Sehun," Jongin and Kyungsoo shouted, still trying to get air from all the running that they've done. "Did you—oh my gosh," Kyungsoo said, all ready to fight Junmyeon and Chanyeol but Jongin held him back just like before.

Sehun didn't bother to look at the two. He met Chanyeol's eyes first, then it was Junmyeon who turned to him as he followed the taller's gaze, looking horrified.

"Sehun... I'm gonna explain."

"I swear Jongin I'm gonna kill them."

"Kyungsoo stop it. Don't make a fucking scene," Jongin exclaims.

"Sehun are you just going to look at them? Aren't you going to punch them or something? Oh God, that bitch is rea—"

"Shut your fucking mouth Kyungsoo. Don't you dare call him like that," Sehun shouted at him. It was the first time that he raised his voice at him. He had always respect Kyungsoo. 

"Not because you love him so much, you'll just gonna watch there and do nothing and say you still love him after all of these. Don't be like that, Sehun. Take that as my advice. And if you don't listen, then okay. Bear with the pain you want," Kyungsoo angrily huffs, then he walked out from there, not bearing to watch the drama because if he was Sehun, he will go and kill those two immediately. 

Jongin followed his husband. As much as he wanted to be there with Sehun, he can't, or else Kyungsoo would be mad at him. He knew it better than anyone else. He tapped Sehun's shoulder, as a gesture of support and told him to stay strong.

Junmyeon walked into his direction, leaving Chanyeol standing still there, watching the man he loved choose another man over him. He doesn't know where to start explaining. He didn't do anything wrong but he feels like he needs to. He can't imagine how he hurt Sehun, his husband now, on the day of their wedding.

"Sehun, it's not like what you think," he says nervously.

"Then what is it? It was pretty much clear though. As clear as the night sky tonight." Sehun’s tone was familiar. It was like what he used that night when they talked while they were waiting for the party to start. Junmyeon felt terrified. But he needs to go through this if he doesn’t want to lose him.

"I...we just talked about things...I...we kind of had, uhm, the proper closure that we haven't had," he sighs. "I ended things already. I-I chose you.”

"You chose me because you are already married to me and you can't do anything about it but to live with it. You chose me because you pity me or something. You chose me, you are with me, but your heart...still belongs to him." His voice was cold as ice. He felt so angry, disappointed but at the same time, he feels like he was wrong for feeling like it. He wanted to scream and let out his tears. He wanted to end the pain that he is feeling.

Junmyeon was getting frustrated already. He doesn’t know what to do. "Nothing's correct with all the words you've said, Oh Sehun. I chose you because _I chose you._ Oh Sehun _, what shall I do for you to believe that I love you? That I am already inlove with you?"_ he felt his cheeks getting wet. "What? That's what you wanna hear right? _Yes, i am now head over heels with you. I am really into you. What now?_ "

Sehun was taken aback by Junmyeon’s words. Now he is crying out loud so he pulled him into a hug. He can’t really take it to see him crying no matter how angry he is right now. "They've always thought that I'll be getting nothing from you but pain, well me too, I kinda thought that way after all the pain that you've given me...mostly without you knowing. But I now disagree with that, maybe, after all, I think I am deserving to have that perfect love that I always want to have. Maybe I needed to experience all of those. No one's gonna have that perfect relationship without breaking even once first, right?" Sehun said, gently patting Junmyeon's back. Junmyeon muttered a lot of _sorry's._

After a few minutes, Chanyeol went near them. "Seems like you are on good terms already. Take care of him, Sehun," Chanyeol smiled at him, then he turned to Junmyeon. "You too, take care of him." His eyes were still in pain but he still managed to smile at Junmyeon. "Thank you for inviting me though, even if this caused a huge misunderstanding tonight. But yeah congratulations on your wedding. I'll go now."

"Chanyeol," Junmyeon called the taller. "Thank you, for everything."

"Thanks to you too. You'll always have a special place in my heart, Junmyeon."

Junmyeon went to hug him for the last time, and Sehun lets him. Sehun’s eyes were fixed into Chanyeol’s.

"Okay stop now. I'm getting irritated" he said, causing Junmyeon to go back beside him.

"Jealous is the right term, Oh Sehun," Chanyeol chortled.

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, whatever." 

"Please apologize quickly to your friend. Look at him up there, it seems like he's gonna shoot me," he pointed to the balcony on the third floor of the hotel.

He looked up. Chanyeol's right. Kyungsoo looks like someone who's planning a big crime tonight. He smiled at him, mouthing a _sorry_ then making a thumbs up to tell him that everything's okay.

He may be dumb, stupid, idiot, or whatever Kyungsoo describes him when it comes to love but still, he was thankful that he was one because he now has Junmyeon already.

"Sehun," Junmyeon held his hands, gently squeezing it. "I mean it. I really love you."

"You know what I'll always answer to that."

He looked upon him and smiled. "Thank you. Thank you for holding on to me. Thank you for everything. And also, sorry for everything, for all the pain I've caused you."

Sehun smiled back at him, making his eyes to form crescents and he kissed Junmyeon's hand. "You'll always be my happiness Junmyeon.”

**Author's Note:**

> ^^ id appreciate it a lot if you leave me something ^^


End file.
